The Taste of Memory Soup

Sunday morning (my favorite time to cook) I begin to bang pots and pans getting organized before I chop my vegetables. I had gone to bed thinking about what I would make the next day. Cold weather has me craving comfort foods. Craving warm meals means I am thinking of my Polish babysitter Zofia who put cabbage in just about everything. Her soup was deliciously flavorful and made us all happy to eat it.

Zofia was someone who had survived the war and endured much more; she had a lot of good secrets and cabbage was one of them. Eating cabbage is a childhood memory that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

When we are children, the people we have in our little worlds form and shape us. As our memories grow and we age, those special times are triggered by the little things in life…a meal, a song, a figurine. We are so lucky when we find people who love our children just as a relative does. Having Zofia in my life added to my happy childhood.

It’s December and I’m shivering from the inside out, this is probably why I started craving cabbage this week. I want to feel that warm comforting feeling that I so well remember with Zofia. Well-loved memories of my babysitter have me longing for my childhood.

She made the world safe with her Polish food and songs. I wish she was still here to sing Kosi Kosi Lapci  and cook for my children as she did for me and my siblings, but life comes full circle and our children will have their own Zofia who makes the world happy and safe with mashed potatoes, tractor toys, and Backe Backe Kuchen. The paddy cake song may be in a different language but it carries that same warm feeling.

Making my shopping list for soup I write cabbage and smile. Holding the cabbage at the store I feel as though I’m holding something much more valuable like a truffle. Sometimes the special ingredient isn’t anything expensive or out of the ordinary.

When you feel chilled to the bone, begin to worry about your well-being, and your memories sneak up on you…cabbage never fails to sooth you and those you love. As I made cabbage soup I was surrounded by happy memories and I’m thankful Zofia is in my heart to help me make them for my children.

Na zdrowie

Photos of Wroclaw, Poland where Zofia was from.

Pen Pals: Writing Letters That Capture Innocent Whispers

Did you ever have a pen pal when you were younger? I had several and I’m sad to say that I’ve lost touch with most of them. I remember skipping back to the house after checking the mailbox when I was younger and I couldn’t wait to open my letter from my pen pal Susanna from Finland, Eritnatish from Iceland! Robin from Georgia, Melissa from Paris (Texas)! Holding the letter as if it were an acceptance to my favorite college; I would take in the stationary, the stamp, and especially the handwriting.

Do you ever notice how our true thoughts come out when writing a letter to a friend? It's easy to get a feel of someone’s personality by seeing their handwriting that you can’t see from the computer. I adore technology! There is instant gratification and it’s always getting better but technology is cold. Letters are warm.  Emails, tweets and texts are like short stories but a letter is more like a novel…it’s a bigger piece of the puzzle and a small clue to discovery of a mosaic of a person.

Since I was a child, I’ve loved going to the post office. I love the smell of it…musty, old, mildew, and magical! I have always loved the giddy feeling I get of dropping a letter down the blue shoot to go on an adventure. Then after impatiently waiting for the day I receive a letter back, opening up my mailbox to see if I recognize my friend’s handwriting.

I have shoeboxes full of old letters from my pen pals. I was an excellent pen pal up until college. I tried to keep up but that’s about the time “real” life starts happening and I’m sad to say, writing letters became less of a priority. Of course I still send Christmas cards and thank you notes, but those don’t tell about the random parts of your day that really let you inside to someone’s heart and help widen the world.

Last year when I read As Always, Julia I was inspired to write more letters again. I find that my thoughts flow more freely when I’m not trying to puzzle my words together on the computer…they just flow naturally like a list. There are windows throughout my day that I can find to jot down a note to a friend…whatever is happening in that moment, it’s a piece of the day that I want to share. Unlike a text or an email, a letter shows the spice of life.

Whenever I have sent a letter, I crossed my fingers that the recipient will write me back. At thirty-five, I still skip back from the mailbox, I even squeal with delight when I hold a little treasure we call a letter.

Last week I did my skip and squeal as I held a handful of precious treasures! Twenty-six beautiful letters (written in French) from seven and eight year olds and personally addressed to each of my second grade students. Oui, we have pen pals!!

Another reason I love technology is that you can meet and learn about interesting people all around the world. Aidan is a fellow Texan, she is my friend, but we have never met. I feel as though I know her from her writing on her blog conjucatingirregularverbs and I hope that one day our families really will meet. Aidan’s oldest son is a second grader in France and it is with her son’s classroom that we have found our pen pals.

My class was really happy and fascinated to learn more about a child their age that speaks a different language and lives a whole big blue ocean away. In my thirteen years teaching, this was one of my most happy teaching moments EVER!

I was hearing my class gasp with excitement and question everything. “Oh, Mrs. Cooley, my pen pal writes in cursive so well! Can you teach us how to write like this? Mrs. Cooley, my pen pal wants me to teach him American football but I’m not going to France anytime soon! What do I say? Mrs. Cooley, my pen pal does flamenco dancing…what is that?”  This is a perfect example of how children can teach each other. It was a lesson in handwriting, language, social studies, and reading all in one setting!

When I compare my class’ letters to the letters of their French pen pals, I see all kinds of possibilities…They will improve their writing skills and be motivated to improve their handwriting. They could continue to write to each other and one day possibly meet. But most importantly, it opens the door for culture. Pen pals can enjoy seeing postcards, stamps, practice learning a foreign language, and have a friend in a different part of the world.  

I saw firsthand the light turn on in my second graders eyes, they want to know more about life in France from a personal view of children their age. My thrill is in the pride I see in their eyes as they realize they are breathing life into an envelope and likewise as they anticipate inhaling the mysteries of replies.

The letters they wrote back to their French pen pals were sweet and charming. “Have you seen the Eiffel Tower? One day could you teach me how to play rugby? Do you have pizza in France? Do you have any pets? When I explained to one of my students what flamenco dancing was, she said, “Ooh…we have a lot in common, I cheer!”

Mark Twain said, “Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man- the biography of the man himself cannot be written.” I think it can be written through a letter; the clothes and buttons are but the paper and pencil.

Dare not to be a bird in a cage

Recently, I was listening to Mendelssohn and thinking about the controversy over the Wedding March. There are those who believe that the history, background, and underlying messages with in the well known music should prevent the use of it for a religious based wedding ceremony! I disagree. There’s always a bit of “wild” in a woman and, we should never be birds in a cage or we would end up crazy like the woman in the Yellow Wallpaper.

There are many famous and infamous women in history/books/movies who are trying to find themselves: Josephine Baker, The Woman from the Yellow Wallpaper, Jane Avril, Holly Golightly, Elsa from Lohengrin, and Carrie from Sex and the City. I see them all as feminine feminists even though some may be courtesans or modern American Geishas. Most of these women came from sad and dark backgrounds which I think makes them survivors, not “bad girls.” There have been many movies and songs written about women like these feminine feminist: Bad Girls, Roxanne, Lady Marmalade…

Holly Golightly, is free spirited modern call girl with a crazy streak, a bird in a cage. She doesn’t want to belong to anyone or anything to belong to her. Like Carrie in Sex and the City she is a single girl living in NYC. She’s also a traveler, forever seeking a place that she can call home; a place where you feel at home. She chooses love of money over love of integrity. Tiffany’s was a place that calmed her down “nothing bad could happen to you there.” We all want to find that happy place where we feel safe; a real place like Tiffany’s where we feel we belong.

Josephine Baker overpowered men with her sexuality, but she was a loving woman full of life. She was famous for performing at Folies Bergeres wearing a costume consisting of a skirt made of a string of artificial bananas, adopting twelve orphans she called the “rainbow tribe”, and was awarded the medal of the Légion d'honneur.  Josephine was also a muse to many artist, writiers, and designers. Like the character Holly Golightly, Josephine came from a sketchy past and was searching for a place to call home.

Toulouse-Lautrec gave Jane Avril  everlasting fame. She danced alone at the Moulin Rouge for her own joy. If you’ve ever seen the movie Moulin Rouge, you know the tango scene danced to the song Roxanne. It was dark, stirring, and passionate. Looking at lithographs of Toulouse-Lautrec’s Jane Avril, you see her face was the same. He captured her just as she was, a lost survivor.

The history of the tango suits these women; it is sexual, popular in brothels, and the men are in control. Think about who leads the tango today? In life when you meet a man, the man leads, then woman takes over, finally the children overpower both! The tango is my favorite ballroom dance to watch because it exudes strong passion and life. What I like about “The Scent of a Woman” tango scene is that it’s not about sex, but life. Al Pacino plays a blind man who is hungry to feel the joy of living. Dance is life and life is dance; the body in motion that makes the world go round.

 If men and women are truly equal in society today, they should be able to lead if they want to. The choice allows for creative control. Even if the man leads, the woman has a choice to follow him or not. The tango is an expression of emotion. Women feel the same powerful emotions to lead the tango that a man does.  The question is who is willing to play the role of the object?

I remember reading the Yellow Wallpaper in college; it was one of those haunting unforgettable stories that you can’t peel yourself away from until you finish. The husband in the story controls his wife and labels her crazy; It used to be common to diagnose women with “temporary nervous depression.” This couple had a totally unequal relationship where the woman was given a “rest treatment” and not allowed to care for her children, leave, write, or do anything she would enjoy (a bird in a cage). In the story, she has nothing to stimulate her so she becomes obsessed by the pattern and color of the wallpaper. She is trying to achieve self-worth only to fail. Her spirit is breaking and dying and her husband thinks he’s curing her of depression by locking her in a room to “rest.” There is wildness in women that can’t be changed; it seems much better to have a little crazy spirited behavior than to have no spirit at all.

Mendelssohn’s Wedding March (Here comes the Bride) from Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream,  can be heard in Richard Wagner’s opera Lohengrin. This is the most popular tune there is. Mendelssohn’s Wedding March has become a staple in American weddings; but because of its sexually oriented scene, some religions object to using it as a wedding march. In Midsummer Night’s Dream, the march is played as Elsa and Lohengrin retrieve to the bridal chamber. Lohengrin who had won Elsa defending her for being wrongly accused for killing her brother makes Elsa promise to never ask him his real name or where he comes from. Curiosity got the best of Elsa on their wedding night and Lohengrin leaves her, so theirs is a false marriage.

In a wedding, the happy tune is commonly played as a recessional piece. I remember talking to the Priest with my husband about our music choices and being totally floored to hear that the Wedding March wasn’t allowed. Well, we snuck it in anyway (choosing to seek forgiveness even after permission was denied) and I felt very much like a modern feminine feminist as we left the church as man and wife.

Even though times have changed, people hang on to stories as if they’re holding on to a grudge.  I think Jane Avril, Else, Holly Golightly, Josephine Baker were all wrongly labeled as courtesans. They may have been modern Geishas, but they were also survivors. We are all travelers forever seeking that place where we feel at home. It may take some of us longer to get there but we can help those who are down so we don’t end up like the woman in the Yellow Wallpaper. I dare you to march to Mendelssohn, do the tango, and even dance in a banana skirt… find your spirit and help those who have lost theirs. Do you have the nerve to take my dare?

Santa's Sinister Sidekicks

You better not pout; I'm telling you why...Krampus, Zwarte Piet, Pere Fouettard, and La Befana are coming to town!

Christmas in America is filled with sugar and spice and all things nice. Just look at the Elf on a Shelf; it's so cute and so American! The European Christmas has a more noirish flair; filled with characters that are not so loveable and kind. It happens that these noirish figures mostly come from Catholic backgrounds. Catholics have so many Saints; is it surprising that they also have a hefty amount of evil characters to go with the good?


After learning about Krampus, I started researching more of Santa's European companions. Although none are as scary as Krampus with his red tongue and horns, there are many who are just as disturbing.

Having two young children of my own and teaching seven and eight year olds, I have mixed feelings about these evil characters. Sometimes I think a little scare to entice "being good" might be a plus but I certainly don't want my children having nightmares! I think it's better to keep images of Sugar Plums (not demons) dancing in their heads!

In Austria: Krampus (meaning "claw" in German) is a scary horned creature with a red forked tongue; he is weighed down by heavy chains and goat fur. Krampus accompanies Saint Nicholas carrying a switch to punish bad children. The tradition in Austria is the children eat the little devil up in pastry form so he won't come to visit them! Krampus carries a wooden stick or switches and threatens children who misbehave. St. Nicholas never lets Krampus harm anyone because he is so kind but Krampus makes it his business to scare the living daylights out of children. On the Feast of St. Nicholas (December sixth), Saint Nicholas and Krumpus visit children to ask for lists of their good and bad deeds. The nice ones get treats like toys and candy; naughty ones get switches with a tree branch from Krampus. My friend from Austria said her parents never asked Krampus to come to their house and all her mom and dad had to say was, "Do you hear those heavy bells ringing and chains rattling?" That was all it took!

Also in Austria is a character named Sylvester who wears a grotesque mask, beard, and a mistletoe wreath lurks in a dark corner until a woman foolishly walks into the shadows and to her surprise she is seized and roughly kissed. All Catholic "Saints" are awarded a day on which Christians celebrate and pay tribute to that Saint's memory. December 31 is Saint Sylvester Day - hence celebrations on the night of December 31 are dedicated to Sylvester's memory.


In Germany: Belsnickel (similar to Krampus but not as grotesque) is a mountain man covered head to toe with fur who accompanies Saint Nicholas as the main disciplinarian. He is feared for his scary looks and leaves coal for bad children and candy for the good.


Also in Germany: Knecht Ruprecht, which translates as Farmhand devil or Servant devil, is a companion of Saint Nicholas. Tradition holds that he appeared in homes on Christmas Eve, and was a man with a long beard, wearing fur. Knecht Ruprecht sometimes carries a long staff and a bag of ashes, and wears little bells on his clothes.

According to some stories, Ruprecht began as a farmhand; in others, he is a wild castaway raised by St. Nicholas from childhood. Ruprecht sometimes walks with a limp, because of a childhood injury. Often, his black clothes and dirty face are attributed to the soot he collects as he goes down a chimney.


In the Netherlands : Zwarte Piet accompanies Sinterklaas and threatens children with switches and receiving lumps of coal, he helps Sinterklaas hand out presents on the fifth of December in Holland (St. Nicholas' eve, his feast day) by a steamboat from Spain, where he lives throughout the year. Accompanying Sinterklaas on the steamboat every year is Zwarte Piet, Sinterklaas's Moorish servant helper, who partners with him on the holiday gift-giving mission. Sinterklaas doesn't actually deliver any of the presents instead it's Zwarte Piet going roof to roof delivering to the children of Holland because Sinterklaas is too old and feeble for such exertion. Zwarte Piet and his friends were former chimney sweeps and have familiarity being up on rooftops and entering houses in uncustomary ways.


In Scandinavia: Nisse an Elf or gnome like creature who protects the farm In Scandinavian folklore, has an active interest in the farm by doing chores like grooming horses, carrying bales of hay, and other farm-related tasks. These chores were usually done much more efficiently and effectively than by their human counterparts. However, the Nisse is known to be temperamental and mischievous. If the household was not careful to keep its Nisse satisfied and unforgotten (usually in the form of a single bowl of porridge with butter in it left out on Christmas Eve) the Nisse could turn against its masters and bring bad fortune to the farm.

In France: Pere Fouettard (The Whipping Father) an evil butcher who committed murder carries around switches to threaten children and is feared by children. He carries rusty chains and switches. On December 6, Pere Noel roams through France with his small donkey laden with gifts and treats, and each good boy and girl receives a present. The bad girls and boys, however, receive a visit from Père Fouettard, who lashes them with his whip. Isn't it just très French to have a butcher in Christmas legend? I wonder if Pere Fouettard prepares a crown roast for Christmas dinner.


In Italy: La Befana was just an common old woman, cleaning her house and going about her business, when the Magi (the three wise men of gold, frankincense and myrrh) showed up at her door asking for directions to the Christ child. She didn't know, but gave them refuge in her home overnight. They found the experience so pleasing that they invited her to come along on their journey the next day; but she declined because she was too busy with her cleaning and didn't want to waste time. Later that night, she regretted the decision, and set off to find them with no luck. Since then, every year on January 6th, La Befana is said to be searching for the Christ child, and flies around on her broom leaving toys and candy in the stockings of good little children (and lumps of coal or ashes in the bad.) As an added bonus, before she leaves the house, La Befana sweeps your floors so you wake up on the morning of Epiphany with a sparkling home. But beware! If you see her during the night she'll give you a thump with her broom. La Befana may be ugly and old but the children adore her; I'd love for her to clean my house!

The good news is, no matter what country or culture, Santa is always viewed as a merry old man. I prefer the orientation toward kindness and positivity that we seem to favor in America. It seems a lot more consistent with the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" mentality to reward children for good behavior than to punish them for "being bad."

Happy Sausages!

Everybody loves sausage! Perhaps no one more than German speaking culture. They seem to have quite a fetish (fetish sounds like Fleisch, meat)  about sausage and they have many sausage sayings!

My friend and native Austrian recently taught me one that I love and I know I'm guilty of overusing it but it seems to work for all those little things in life that really don't matter...Ist mir Wurst (It's sausage to me or It's all the same to me). To say that something doesn't matter, it's like "Wurst" because sausage is part of daily life in German speaking cultures. Oh those little things we can get stuck on when really it's just all sausage!!!

Like many German speakers, Americans also love sausage! Adults and children have grown up learning the sausage anthem...

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener
That is what I truly want to be
Because if I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener
Everyone would be in love with me!

Think about going to baseball games, to me it would be unsatisfactory without having a ballpark frank!

You can always count on food to describe how you really feel. What hunger is in relation to food, zest is in relation to life; and laughter is the food of life! Here are some of my favorite German sausage sayings...

• Wurst wieder Wurst- literally means: sausage against sausage, meaning: tit for tat
• Sich durchs Leben Wursteln- literally means: to sausage oneself through life, meaning: to muddle your way through life
• Jemanden die Wurst vor der Nase halten-literally means: to hold a sausage in front of somebody's nose, meaning: to tempt someone
• Es ist mir Wurst- literally means: It's sausage to me, meaning: It doesn't matter to me

Most German speakers probably couldn't imagine a world without Wurst. That might be what we would call a "Wurst" case scenario! Meat is meat, but sausage carries the German culture.

Americans have vending machines for cokes and candy bars; our cravings are sweet. I remember having a layover in Frankfurt and seeing a vending machine that had different kinds of sausage.


Einstein was maybe not the perfectionist we think with his "mir Wurst" attitude on a paper about quantum theory. A paper written by Hans Ohanian was based on the uncertainty principle and it mentions both position and momentum. Einstein commented "Ist mir Wurst!" Knowing this actually makes me have a different kind of respect for Einstein. I love the "mir Wurst" attitude and think people who have it are healthy and relaxed!

Another culture I'm slightly obsessed with is that of the French. I've read that when the French are bored with your conversation, they might say, "Et moi j'ai mange une pomme ce matin." And I ate an apple this morning! This would be to let you know you are not interesting!! It's très rude, but I love it!! The Spanish might say when they feel you're talking nonsense, me importa un comino! I don't give a cumin! And my favorite is a saying that comes from a Fellini Italian movie title, La Dolce Vita (Don't we all want the "sweet life")?

When life gives you sausage, apples, and cumin make something with it!!! Knowledge and appreciation of the languages and culture of others provides an enhanced perspective of our own lives. Hopefully, that kind of knowledge can teach us not to take ourselves too seriously, and help us see humor and pleasure in our own lives.

Inspire a Rainbow of Languages

Developing an ear and tongue for language is a life-long process that shapes the way we think.

Languages are like a beautiful rainbow. Each color has its own personality and reflects its culture. Think of not only looking at the rainbow, but listening to it.

• German-regimented language, orderly minds
• Portuguese-mellow sounds, mellow attitudes
• French- flowery language, romantic culture
• Spanish-fiery voices, passionate living
• Italian-Ahh, Italian, a combination of all things good

I think English as a Second Language children are amazing the way they are able to translate for their parents and transfer many of their primary language skills to their English learning. They hold two cultures in the palms of their hands and are open and receptive to both.

Music is a happy way of learning a new language. I think of my daughter in the back seat singing along to "Un Deux Trois First French Rhymes" peche, pomme, poire, abricot, y'en a une, y'en a une. My students at school love this German counting song, and when our Spanish teacher Ms. Vega comes in they anticipate the alphabet song. Rhythm naturally opens the mind to memory and makes learning fun.

Photo: I imagine learning a language to be like a Miro painting, bits of information all scattered but somehow it all comes together to fit the big picture.

For the past few years I've been lucky enough to have volunteers who are German and Japanese speakers come and teach a weekly lesson to my second graders. It is amazing to me to see the childrens' energy and willingness to try something different. This breaks down the weirdness factor and teaches children that learning about a new culture and language is fun. We hear Spanish quite frequently in Texas but, German and Japanese are new to many children. When my foreign language teachers come in, I become a student with my children. In both classes we are learning not just vocabulary words, but lexical chunking; putting a sentence together. Even in the first few weeks of school they are already able to form a sentence.

The school where I teach has implemented a Spanish program this year. The goal of the program (created by director, Norma Riley) is to create a generation of students with bilingual communication skills. The Spanish teachers use DVDs and CDs to play songs, games, music, reading, writing, acting, and conversations. Most importantly, they make learning Spanish fun! They also give us an inside to their culture. Our teacher, Ms. Vega is from Chili and we had a discussion on how the Texas flag is similar to Chili's flag.

http://www.wix.com/spanishprogram/spanish-hilltop-elementary
It's more fun and meaningful for students to learn everyday ways to communicate rather than being limited to vocabulary words. Teaching in chunks seems to move the students closer to fluency.

Children are open to any and all languages when they're young. Sign language is a favorite I think because it is kinesthetic and the kids get to move and express with their hands. It's becoming more prevalent to introduce foreign language at an early age; this is the key to having native English speakers and ESL students on the same team. Many countries start learning foreign languages in elementary school. Countries in Europe already know that learning languages increases a child's memory, focus, math skills, and social skills. That's why when we visit Europe most natives are happy to speak English.

I think for an adult, it's easier to give up and lose patience because we have so many other things on our plates. Unlike children who are learning languages in schools, it is their job and a requirement and something they can't give up. Just like with most other things, a good attitude is necessary. Children are naturally enthusiastic and feel brave about attempting languages, unlike adults who are quick to get shy and embarrassed when frustrated. These mistakes make us humble and appreciate our ESL citizens even more.


Learning a language can be difficult, but it is greatly rewarding. I envy my students' and long for those times in school when you learn and get lost in the process. I like to watch my students enjoy their D.E.A.R. time (drop everything and read). For a short moment most can be carried away effortlessly without a care in the world and get lost in a book. It seems like such a luxury.

I once audited a French class in college for fun! I miss school! I loved picking out my classes and being excited to learn. I miss my favorite corner in the Alabama library surrounding myself with books to write a paper. You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives. ~Clay P. Bedford

I have heard, learning multiple languages delays alzheimer's by four years. As a dancer I think I get an extra four years because like Martha Graham said, Dance is the hidden language of the soul of the body.

We adapt to the times and do everything so fast. I have piles of books on my night table collecting dust and my new favorite way to read and learn foreign language is with a book on CD for the car trip to work. I also get a German word of the day from Transparent Language. It's free and has sound so you can hear the word used in a sentence. I keep saying I'm going to purchase the Rosetta Stone but I must be able to commit to not only the expensive price but also the time. However you learn, make it work for you; as long as you stay inspired and have the will to learn, you will! If you have the light and the fire it is likely your children will be blessed with it too.

Photos: Mrs. Cooley's class learning Spanish with Ms. Vega and German with Frau Fillhart.

Je vois la vie en rose: I see life in rosy hues

Gertrude Stein said, "America is my country and Paris is my hometown." Florence, Italy is my hometown but I love so many French things and the French way of life that I can relate to her quote. Oh to be around when Hemingway, Stein, and Picasso were living it up at Café deux Magots in Paris. I invite you to join me and Frenchify your life  through these tips and facts about all things French. I am a xenophile, Francophile, Europhile... How wonderful would it be if like Edith Piaf sang, we could see life in rosy hues? Perhaps through everyday little French details we can try.

There is such mystery rooted in the French culture; they seem to love secrets about beauty, weight loss, affairs... There's a touch of magic to these secrets being personal and unspoken; it makes them seem so seductive. La Fontaine said, Rien ne pèse tant que un secret (nothing weighs more than a secret). As an American I think telling a secret (my personal private thoughts) creates intimacy with those close to me. It doesn't seem to concede or threaten my relationships by being discreet like the French.

French women seem to have well kept secrets for beauty; they are ritualistic about caring for their skin. For the French, beauty is a tradition handed down from their mother's mother and secrets are not discussed outside the family. I like the perception that in France the older you get, the sexier you become. Americans worship the twenty something woman but the French are more attracted to the confidence and assurance of a seasoned man or woman. I think these beautiful French actresses are much more interesting and intelligent to admire: Fanny Ardant, Marion Cotillard , Juliette Binoche, Catherine Deneuve , and Leslie Caron (a few of my favorites).

The French don't seem to care about being liked like we do. I think it's that confidence that gives French women an edge. At the same time, that's why we strongly dislike them! It's that uppity superior attitude!

I can't help but think of Marie Antoinette; the French disliked her from the beginning because she was not French! She was an Austrian princess who threatened the French culture. It makes me very sad to think of how Marie was treated in France. She was très intelligent, loving, and witty! Wit is something the French highly respect. France is a bit like a sorority... It's very difficult to join without being a legacy or having several good recommendations!

Have you ever noticed how honesty and wit are so rarely combined in a person? The French movie Ridicule displays this perfectly. The movie is set during the reign of Louis XVI and a man must survive Versailles relying on his wit and smarts. It really shows you how much the French put on wit and clever conversation. Just as Marie Antoinette fought with her hobbies, gambling and fashion, she also read all the time. I can only imagine that is where she found her wit (that and her wunderbar Hapsburg genes).

Something else the Queen of France popularized was the croissant. It was her favorite treat from her homeland, Austria. The French love to claim things as their own! Another example is ballet; which did not originate in France either (Italy). I'm not fluent in French but I speak ballet! Marie Antoinette was a huge patron of the arts. Ballet spread through the French court courtesy of Catherine de' Medici where it was developed even further. In the 17th century at the time of Louis XIV, ballet was codified. Louis XIV was a noted and respectable dancer; his dances still survive today! My favorite French ballet is Giselle, the first of the great romantic ballets.

You've heard the National Motto of France, non? Well I've altered it slightly: Liberté, égalité, (scratch the fraternité because it's too hard to join) gastronomie!! The French worship their stomachs; their high priests are chefs and sommeliers. The French literally put their money where their mouth is, spending more money on food and wine than any other nation. In Dallas we have many French places to choose from: The French Room, Hotel St Germaine, Lavendou, Rise, The Cultured Cup (to name a few). Elizabeth New also offers her French Affairs including: travel, culture and language in Dallas.

Thank goodness for Julia Child who gave us The French Chef! So much French cooking was inspired in America because of her. American's now look at cheese, white asparagus, shallots, mushrooms, beets, leeks, and herbs (like herbs de Provence) as c'est normal!! One of my favorite simple French treats is the crepe. So much can be done to fill them. When I was little, my mom would make them for my brother and sister and I often. My favorite filling is apples with crème fraiche.

Ashley's Crepes: 1 C milk, 2 T melted butter, 2 eggs, 1 C flour, 1 t baking powder, ½ t salt, 1 t vanilla (omit if making a savory crepe) Put everything in the blender! Works best with a crepe pan.

Have you heard of Poilâne bread? It's a world renowned bread company run by the great granddaughter of Pierre Poilâne. They use the best of old techniques with the best of new techniques. You can get it shipped to the States from France. There's a Michelin saying, ca vant le voyage... It's worth the trip. Well it would be worth the shipping in this case!

Edith Piaf said, "All I've done all my life is disobey." Coming from a teacher who has always been a pretty good rule follower, I envy this statement! How nice to have the confidence and air that you can do as you please and not feel bad about it. Is it an American thing to carry a huge amount of guilt? I know it certainly comes with motherhood. I tell my dogs I'm sorry if I run into them!! I can't imagine having that French mindset, but I'm captivated by it and many times wish I could be that "snooty French girl" with the attitude.

We have so many rules in America, unlike the French who pretty much do as they please. I would like a mix of both our worlds. In America living can feel like responsibility after responsibility where in France they are more laissez-faire about life, c'est la vie! We have so many self-help books at our fingertips. I think the French see rules as a violation on their personal right to live as they like. I think of it as more living with your heart and doing what feels natural, not what others "think" is natural. The French women have a passionate sense of the shortness of time and the immediacy of pleasure. I think this is very healthy.

My husband and I went to Paris with a Parisian years ago and she seemed to have so much trouble expressing pleasantries and courtesies that we thought she was in a constant bad mood. I got fed up and stopped being friendly. Then the funniest thing happened, she started being nice when I was rude to her! Is that reverse psychology I tapped into? Another interesting thing about the French is that you can get different answers depending on how you bring up the subject. If you are ever asked, "What do you think of Pei's pyramid at the Louvre?" I have learned one should say, "I think he was very brave!" This way you don't set yourself up for ridicule. Any time I said I liked something in Paris my Parisian friend would say it's appalling! And if I didn't particularly like it, she would go off on me! I think you win if you stay neutral like Switzerland!!


My husband Derek and I recently celebrated our ten year anniversary at the same place we spent the night after our wedding; Hotel St. Germaine in Dallas. You can get your French fix here sipping on champagne and eating off Limoges! Originally a home built in 1906, it is now a seven room French hotel that is adorned with French antiques, gorgeous tapestries, and canopied beds (a bed you never want to leave). I read this is where Oscar de la Renta, Martha Stewart, and Prince Albert of Monaco stay when they come to Dallas bien sûr!


An avid mountain cyclist, Derek has had the Tour de France on our television for the past three weeks. It is his dream to someday go and travel city to city with the bikers but especially up the Pyrenées Mountains. If the scenery wasn't so gorgeous I wouldn't be interested, but there are so many beautiful little towns all over France, I can't help but watch. Marcel Proust said, "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." My eyes are "new" after watching the Tour de France. When the Tour de France is not on I love to watch H & G's House Hunters International; there are many episodes in France.

I've always thought it's the little details in small spaces that make a room special. What could be better than wallpapering your closet? I know it would make me smile every time I walk into my closet because it is one of my favorite rooms in the house. We often start and end our day in our dressing rooms, so why shouldn't it feel warm and intimate? I don't think any room is too small to have it adorned with style.

There's the old French proverb, the white wall is the fool's paper. How could color and patterns not make you happy? I think of Pierre Deux with its cozy and chic look full of color and warmth. The sunflowers, roosters, and layering new textiles with the old just feels right. Henri Matisse has been my favorite artist since I was a child. It's the colors; the Mediterranean sun coming through. I find him to be whimsical, happy, and not too serious. I love Matisse, he makes me happy!

Recently in the news you may have heard about a group of divers exploring a shipwreck in the Baltic Sea found what is thought to be the oldest drinkable champagne in the world, made in the late 18th century. The divers sampled a bottle of the Veuve Clicquot and said, "It was fantastic... it had a very sweet taste, you could taste oak and it had a very strong tobacco smell. And there were very small bubbles." This fascinated me after having read the Widow Clicquot and learning about how the champagne was sold mostly in Russia because during the 18th century France wasn't buying. Being the world's oldest champagne it would be thought to be priced around $68,000 a bottle. Thirsty?

When visiting New York one of my favorite places to go when I want to feel like a real New Yorker is The Paris Theatre. It's a classy old art house that you can't help but love! I have fond memories of seeing Merchant and Ivory films with my sister, especially (my favorite), Jet Lag. The Inwood, Angelica, and Magnolia theaters are all fantastic art houses in their own way, but the Paris being so old, small and quaint is très spécial. It's been around 62 years and exudes Parisian class.

You can't talk about France without mentioning the French women and their scarves. J'adore the movie Le Divorce. Glenn Close's character, Olivia Pace, says this about scarves:

French women are extraordinary.

All their customs and ceremonials.

l mean, their scarves alone...

an entire chapter.

Knotted in front, one end down,

other end thrown over the shoulder.

Or looped around double

and the ends tucked in.

Or around the shoulder,

over their coat like a shawl.

Or tied in the back.

l mean, châle, foulard, ècharpe.

Just think of all the words

they have for scarf.

And in a language which is

very sparse in vocabulary.

 
I take great pleasure in learning languages with my children. My four and two-year-olds love listening to Frere Jacques and Alouette in the car. My husband and I attempt some French bedtime reading including: Madeline, Le Petit Prince, Bonsoir Lune, This is Paris, Nicholas, Martin Pebble, and a few "I can read French" books. It's fun to learn together. After all, everything sounds better in French! Surely you agree! Bien sûr!

Fin

Marie Antoinette and her upside-down fairy tale

You know that question...if you could invite anyone to dinner, who would it be? I would so invite Marie Antoinette!

Born Maria Antonia the 15th daughter of Maria Theresia, Empress of Austria, Marie Antoinette was a loving mother and wife whose story is like an upside-down fairy tale. I resonate with Marie Antoinette because like her, I adore the arts, fashion, chocolate, flowers, dance and music. More than that, my family and friends mean the world to me. If I could go back in time I would want to hug her and help her; she was such a good person.

God Bless her Habsburg heart! The Hapsburg house of Austria was the oldest royal house of Europe and the empress proudly gave Marie away to the enemy, France. Marie requested to be addressed in French the moment she stepped on French soil so she could embrace her new French self and leave her native German tongue forever. She never said, "Let them eat cake!" She was not ignorant or rude! She was a good hearted and kindly Queen who tried to aid the poor of her country because she knew it was her duty. The French disliked her from the beginning because she was not French! She was an Austrian princess who threatened the French culture.

Photo: Marie Antoinette with her four children: Marie Thérèse, Louis Joseph, Louis Charles, and Sophie Béatrix painted by her friend Élisabeth Vigée-Le Brun

Her true character became more apparent after the birth of her children. She had so much compassion and did everything she could for Austria and France. Marie was a devout Catholic and did what her mother (Maria Theresia) told her. Marie and her mother had more of a business relationship than a loving mother/daughter bond. Marie Antoinette very much always wanted to be a mother herself. She wanted to devote the attention to her own children that she felt she did not receive as a child.

Marie Antoinette was a loving wife and mother above everything. What pulls on my heart the most is that she breastfed her own child when they had an abundance of hearty wet nurses. She did it because she loved wholeheartedly and wanted to be with her babies (this was uncharacteristic for royalty). From what I've read about France, they have never been a country to breastfeed because their breasts are thought to be for their husbands not their children. Marie made sure she was involved with her children in every way, especially their education. Marie grew up with everything under the sun; then went to live at the "Sun King's" Palace of Versailles. Talk about a fairy tale! But, Marie did not let her kids grow up the same way. She didn't give them everything, exposed them to poverty, and was careful not to spoil them.

I love Marie Antoinette! What I love the most is the incredible love she had for her children. I think she was extremely unselfish for giving up her heritage and family (she never saw her mother again once she left).

She was not perfect! But I've always thought it's the imperfections that make people so very beautiful. The mistakes she made, she made because she was bored. She immersed herself into a life of pleasure and careless extravagance because of this boredom. This included masked balls in Paris, gambling, and extravagant fashion (honestly, who could blame her). Her husband, bless his pudgy heart, was as slow as a French snail consummating their marriage! It was seven years before this happened. Of course being a foreign woman, she was to blame and scorned for her inability to produce an heir.

Once she had children she spent less time gambling and more with her family. She was nicknamed "Madame Deficit" because of her hobbies, gambling and fashion. There was also the "Affair of the Necklace" which she was framed for.

Marie just wanted to be loved. Imagine growing up without praise, hugs, and attention then leaving your family at 14...She had a bond with Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart whose mother's attention he was always trying to gain. Mozart and Marie were close in age and played together as children. They both desired to please and capture the love and affection of their mothers.

She very much cared for and respected her husband, Louis XVI! She had a small close and supportive inner circle of friends who she could trust and supported her to the end including the Princess de Lamballe and Count Axel von Fersen.

I so would have liked to come to Marie's defense seeing how the French treated her so unfairly. If you take anything from this, let it be Marie was a wonderful mother. She said, "I have seen all, I have heard all, I have forgotten all." Marie will never be forgotten.

Do you know anyone like Marie Antoinette that you would like to invite to dinner?

Fröhliche Weihnachten, Buon Natale, Joyeux Noël, and Merry Christmas!

Have you ever had the feeling that you belong in a certain place? Well, for me that place is definitely Italy. More specifically, Florence; It is my favorite place on the planet! I dream of Italy and would love to go there for Christmas one day. I imagine it being magical! I picture an old villa with a roaring fire to read, relax, and play games in front of. We would eat hearty Italian meals and drink delicious wines while the kids drink hot chocolate. Well, I can do this all here! I'm just missing the sounds and scenery of the cypress trees, ancient buildings and vibrant Italians! I am lucky that my husband feels the same way about Italy. Home is where you make it but perhaps someday our home might be where we want it, in Italy. Christmas for our family is at our home. What fun it is to pull in other cultures and customs during the Christmas season. For families all over the world Christmas is the chance to get together, eat wonderful food and exchange presents as a sign of love. For me Christmas is not complete without my mom's crown roast, Christmas cookies, a real tree, and Christmas mass (it was midnight mass before we had children). We have adopted many European foods over the years: France's bouche de Noelle, Austria's Krampus pastry, and Italy's panettone.

We are all great teachers when we are teaching our children something we ourselves are passionate about. What better time to teach children about cultures and customs during the holidays. Children's little minds are open to the world and exposing them to culture gives them a new way of seeing things. As a bonus, I get to learn with them along the way.
Being a xenophile I am interested in all things European. Travel with me while you read this and let's have Christmas in Italy, Austria, France, Germany and England.

Photo: Ashley's daughter Zooey eating Krampus!

As in America, it is common in Europe that people stay close in their family circle during the holidays. Many Europeans, being Catholic, attend mass; even more popular is midnight mass. It seems mistletoe, garlands, and trees are something we have in common with the Europeans. It is likely that most traditions were adopted here in America (the melting pot) from Europe!

Photo: Christmas market in front of the town hall in Vienna, Austria
Merry Christmas in German is, Fröhliche Weihnachten. Christmas trees originated in Germany as well as many popular Christmas songs like, Oh Tannenbaum. Another favorite, Silent Night by Franz Gruber comes from Austria. In some German speaking areas of Europe, Santa is replaced by Christkind (Christ child). He brings presents Christmas Eve and rings a bell just before he leaves to let children know that the presents are ready. Also celebrated in German speaking regions is Saint Nicholas' Day on December 6th. He puts goodies in well behaved children's shoes and a servant named Krampus (a little devil) accompanies Saint Nicholas to make sure the children are polite and well behaved. My friend from Austria makes a Krampus Milchstritzl pastry for her children to eat. The tradition in Austria is if the children eat the little devil up, he won't come to visit them! Krampus carries a wooden stick or switches to threaten children who misbehave. St. Nicholas never lets Krampus harm anyone because he is so kind.

Photo: Christmas in Florence, Italy

Merry Christmas in Italian is, Buon Natale. Christmas Eve dinner traditionally consists of seafood, with the feast of the seven fishes. Dinner is followed by Italian Christmas sweets like: pandoro, panettone, torrone, panforte, struffoli, and more. Every year my second graders learn how the holidays are celebrated around the world. I love when we get to Italy and so do the children because they are so curious about La Befana! She is a kindly old witch who brings sweets and gifts to good children and charcoal or bags of ashes to naughty children on January 6th, Epiphany. This is the day to remember the Magi's visit to the Bambino (Christ child). In Italy Christmas is celebrated from December 24th to January 6th. This includes Christmas Eve, Christmas, Saint Stephen (December 26th), and Epiphany (January 6th).

Photo: Christmas in Paris, France
In France you say Joyeux Noël. French children put their shoes by the fireplace so Père Noël (Father Christmas or Santa) can give those gifts. La bûche de Noël (Yule log) is a popular dessert cake made of chocolate and chestnuts. The essential French Christmas decoration is the crèche, or nativity scene, which is found in churches and homes. In Provence, crèches are often a mix of religion and everyday life, showing not only the birth of Christ, but also the village and way of life, with farms, stores, and everyday people from the region.

Photo: Christmas in Great Britain
In Great Britain caroling is popular and so are Christmas cards. A traditional Christmas meal in Great Britain might include turkey or roast followed by Christmas pudding and during the meal Christmas crackers are pulled containing toys, jokes and a paper hat. Unique to England is Boxing Day, which sounds very Zen to me! It is traditionally a day for giving to the less fortunate and getting rid of the things you don't need or use anymore.

You can probably get a sense of where some of your traditions originate from. Or maybe you read about some you'd like to try this year. However you celebrate, do it with an open heart and love the home you've created for your family. Fröhliche Weihnachten, Buon Natale, Joyeux Noël, and Merry Christmas!

Shall we Tutoyer?

Please let me start by stating, I am not an expert by any means on language studies. However, I have always had a great fascination with cultures and languages. I'm a xenophile!

When visiting another country that we are not familiar with, Americans should politely and humbly ask residents if they speak English -- preferably in their language. I remember when my husband and I were traveling in Italy and we were scared that we were about to miss our train. I ran up to the ticket counter and said with my American manners, "Two tickets please". Well, this older Italian woman was instantly put off by me and we missed our train. I should have made an attempt to ask in Italian; or said, Mi scusi, parla inglese? It wasn't funny then, but I learned a valuable lesson. It is respectful to make an effort to speak the language of the country you are visiting! Many people that travelers encounter do speak English, but it is polite to attempt their language.


Part of what makes learning a new language difficult is learning the customs, manners, and correct pronoun usage. Tu is used in French when you're talking to someone you know well, like a family member or best friend. Vous is used with people you don't know very well regardless of their age, strangers, corporate hierarchy, or someone older who demands respect. The French word Tutoyer means to address someone using the familiar forms of the pronoun "you" rather than the more formal forms. Tu is a mark of friendship. I think it's correct to say, when in doubt use Vous, Sie, Usted until the native speaker says otherwise.

The French address each other with formality, calling each other Madame and Monsieur, which in a way may seem formal to us, but it signifies a respect for the individual which exemplifies the French way of life. It is expected that bonjour or bonsoir should be the first thing out of your mouth as a greeting in shops and other public places. Failing to follow these rules is considered très rude.

Prior to the French Revolution, people addressed each other with tu. It was the way bourgeois or noble people addressed their servants. Tu (French and Spanish) and Du (German) are for children, family members, and friends.
I don't know about you but I think of Japan as a culture of politeness. I had the pleasure of visiting with some Japanese teachers who came to the school where I teach a few years ago to observe American children in public school. I remember being blown away when the Japanese teachers said they thought America was very strict! I always had the stereotype that the Japanese teachers must be extremely strict because the children are so formal.

My class' Japanese teacher, Yoshie, was explaining to me that there are five levels of politeness in Japan! They are determined by a variety of factors: job, age, experience, children... There are different ways of speaking: honorific and humble. The Japanese culture is structured by polite interactions. The politeness levels in Japan are tremendously difficult and intricate. The male and female patterns of speech and politeness are much different.

This makes the Japanese seem a bit passionless to me. There's a lack of familiarity that we have here. On the opposite end, there are places like Brazil where the people are relaxed and have a liberal showing of affection. Here in the U.S. we are comfortable with informalities but not as intimate as Brazil. Language and culture constantly evolves, but I think politeness and respect can always help keep a nice balance.

Think about the difference in pronouns and the constant capitalization of nouns. In German, a word is written the way it is said. The pronoun Sie has all functions of you, him, her, it, and them. Sie is a way to formally address. We have our own special pronoun in Texas, "y'all!" It is very commonly used here but say it in New York and you have an audience of horrified gawkers!

We CAN hear formal English in everyday life but we might not even notice it because it comes so naturally. A perfect example is The Lord's Prayer Our Father who art in Heaven. But, we don't speak this way unless we're in a Shakespeare play or just want to be gawked at!

It's common to teach babies sign language. My children know the basics: Mommy, Daddy, please, thank you...Children soak up any and all languages when their young. That's why it is so important to introduce language at an early age.

My brother Sean, who is fluent in Spanish, is always trying to talk me into going to a Spanish language school on my summer break. With two young kids, I don't see this happening for a very long time. But, it's a lovely idea!
Mark Twain wrote "a gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years." I won't ever be fluent in anything unless I become a foreigner myself! But I have a long standing date with the Rosetta Stone and hopefully that will at least be an improvement!

I feel guilty using the word foreigner because it means: alien, non-citizen, and outsider. If I were living in a country that I didn't grow up in, I wouldn't want to be called "foreigner." After all, this is their home now.

My husband and I went to Paris with another couple years ago. Our travel companion, Julie, grew up in Paris and spoke fluent French. I noticed how careful she was when she spoke in public, especially to waiters and clerks. She mentioned how embarrassed her mother would get when she went back to Paris to visit her family. She would be teased for her lack of "in the know" new phrases and her Texas/French accent. Language is constantly changing! It's impossible to keep up unless you are a world traveler!

There is a German tradition I've read about that I think is perfect and hilarious! Any time you become close enough with somebody that you switch from Sie to du, you seal it by having a beer together. I just love that!

We can sometimes have a lack of respect just because it's in our nature. I have an example as a teacher... If a parent addresses me as Ashley without me asking them to, it doesn't seem quite right! I think you have to wait for someone to tell you it's O.K. to call me by their first name. My parent volunteers will start by calling me Mrs. Cooley along with the children. I quickly ask them to call me Ashley because I think it's nice to be informal and establish a casual relationship. Just as long as you begin your relationship with respect first.
It is a pet peeve of mine when people don't address you at all. Especially in e-mails if they start jumping into questions without a "Dear Ashley," I am put off because it feels like they are shouting at me!

When parents in America get mad at their children, we suddenly stop using cute nicknames and use their full names. I remember my mom and dad saying, "Ashley Elizabeth" instead of my regular "Ash". I knew I was in trouble!
I don't like feeling frustrated! I can usually laugh off most anything. If not I can certainly say merde and shizer! But, when I'm not good at something it fuels my fire to do it better. So, like Mark Twain said; it may take me thirty years but I'll get there and so can you!